Diary · Page 5

December 17, 2024

Fairly productive day. ██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

I’m so bad at structuring my posts. There’s always a bunch of random topics thrown around, because it’s hard for me to make a good transition from one thing to another. Idk what to do about that.

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December 16, 2024

As always, woke up a lot of times during sleep. Seems like when I don’t take any meds I always have constant sleep interruptions.

While sleeping, someone started screaming very loudly and angrily outside. I couldn’t really hear exactly what they were saying, because I was in half asleep half awake state. Eventually I fell asleep again and had a dream that I went to window to look who was screaming and fell down. Luckily there was some building structure just under it and it caught me, and then I managed to get back inside with help of some stranger.

Rainy, windy and cloudy today. Basically perfect weather, although during winter I would prefer it to snow instead. Went to supermarket to buy some groceries, and enjoyed the weather for a while.

After a 2 week break, we went to gym today. Brother was recovering from surgery which is why we didn’t go for so long.

After swimming in the pool we went to a Georgian restaurant and ate some tasty things.

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The moon was peeking out from time to time.

I fell asleep when I got home. At night, I felt quite manic but then got tired and went back to bed. It’s still raining and I’m just laying in bed thinking about constant movement of time.

Tags: #dream #out #food

December 15, 2024

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Actually slept pretty well today, and there was no withdrawals at all. So yeah, bye Zoloft forever.

Ate burrito for the first time, yum.

Did some assignments fixes. Layed in bed for a while, enjoying the darkness, heater and open window combo.

Played a bit of Yume 2kki today. There was no expeditions, so we just wandered to random places. Eventually we got to Blue Restaurant, which is a pretty neat location. It has a lot of rooms, each having it’s own cool thing. Last room though was hell, because you had to kill every single creature there using specific effect. And in middle of me doing it the game crashed, so I kinda ragequit.

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Tags: #yume2kki

December 14, 2024

Woke up multiple times for no reason. I feel so conscious and active again. It’s been more than a month since I started taking various meds and this is first time I’m feeling like I was before. It’s a curse and a blessing.

On one hand, I’m really tired of being tired. Brain doesn’t work and I don’t feel like doing anything ever. I just wanted to lay in bed forever.

On other hand, I’m once again super active and can’t rest. And I feel like the moment some bad thing happens I’ll be back to extreme anxiety.

I have to pick my poison.

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It’s easy to see when I started taking meds (energy chart).

Cleaned apartment and told roommate that I might move out in near future.

Forgot to take Zoloft, so I guess I’m done with taking it now. Hopefully I won’t have withdrawals tomorrow.

December 13, 2024

Woke up too early today, and couldn’t go back to sleep for a while. Just as I was about to fall asleep, brother called me telling he’ll come in 5 minutes, so I had to get up.

Talked about me wanting to move to different apartment with brother. We’ve decided to call the number for some interesting apartment listing we found, and she sent me a bunch of options. One of the options is really good. I liked it a lot and it might also not get power outages too. But it seems that the person in it is still in process of moving out, so it might take a few days, and it’s still not guaranteed. I really hope I’ll be able to get the apartment, so far it’s the only one that I actually liked.

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Coded site statistics for Nekoweb. At end of the day felt ‘manic’ for the first time in weeks. Since I’m almost done with Zoloft, I’m finally not feeling constantly tired, and I got my life dreaming and motivation back too. Fuck SSRIs man.

December 12, 2024

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Finally was productive today. Coded RSS feed for Nekoweb and did a commission.

Unfortunately that apartment sold already.

December 11, 2024

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Found a pretty good apartment. And it doesn’t seem to have power outages too. I really want to start living fully alone, without a roommate. The only caveat in this apartment is that it doesn’t have a computer desk… Ugh, why all apartments have some weird bad things.

Played some Yume 2kki with friends.

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Tags: #yume2kki

December 10, 2024

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December 9, 2024

Even though I didn’t sleep enough, I felt fine waking up. █████████████████████████████████████████████ I realized at night that I could simply take appointment online instead of going there, so I called them and they said that it’s possible.

During the appointment, I told her about my tiredness ██████████████████████████. She told me that we should try a different antidepressant, so now I’ll be tapering off Zoloft for the next week. Gonna reduce dosage in half and then stop completely. Instead of Zoloft, I got prescribed Opipramol. It’s not very popular, so it was hard to find much information about it on internet, which makes me worry a little. I guess I’ll think about it all again once I’m fully off Zoloft in a week.

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December 8, 2024

I got my earphones and went outside. The sky was fully covered in the clouds and it was windy. I stood for a while, while listening to my calm playlist.

I walked to the supermarket, and there’s a river by it’s side, so I stood near the entrance looking at the river for 5 minutes. In the supermarket they started selling hotdogs so I bought one to try. I’ve been buying basically all pastry that they have just to try everything out. Hotdog was just like in my childhood, when I ate it for the first time ever. I ate it while staring at the river, and then went home.

Scheduled an appointment to psychiatrist for tomorrow.

Today was finally the day we played Yume 2kki again. It’s been a month since our last play. When we tried to join, the game didn’t load for any of us. I looked at console and some js library has been missing. So I found the file in archive.org and uploaded it to my server. Then we all used Resource Override extension to use it from my server instead and game loaded fine. Ain’t no way game missing files will stop us from playing Yume 2kki today!

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After the long road, we went to the coziest room.

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Despite having to get up early I stayed up until 7:30 AM.

Tags: #yume2kki

December 7, 2024

So tired. Constant tiredness. I feel like Zoloft makes me never feel bored, I can just lay in bed and do nothing forever. I’m tired of laying in bed, but at the same time I’m also too tired of doing anything else.

Spent 4 hours improving █████████████, and in the end got 5-10ms improvement.

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December 6, 2024

While I was making breakfast, brother came over. He recently had a wisdom tooth removed, so he spent a week at the hospital.

Dad called, and he invited us to a restaurant, since it’s an important day for him. I started to prepare while brother went to pick him up. I went outside and it was already dark.

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Even though it’s cold, I like to stand in darkness in warm clothes.

We got to the restaurant and got our food.

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After the restaurant I went home and fell asleep. Woke up with headache (so common when napping). Fixed some atabook stuff and went back to bed.

December 5, 2024

Only started my day at 4 PM. It was already getting dark by then.

I ate and went back to bed until 9 PM… Bed with heater is actually addicting. And having no anxiety also really helps. I feel like I wasn’t able to truly rest for a long time because of constant anxiety, and now I’m just enjoying my time. ███████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

Bitcoin hit 100,000$!

Finished commission and deployed some more servers and fixes. ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

December 4, 2024

Most of the day was spent in bed, resting and enjoying the heater. Unfortunately agreed to some boring commission, and now have to actually think how to finish it.

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Tags: #photos

December 3, 2024

Bed is too cozy and I’m too tired most of the time. Infrared heater is also adding +5000 to coziness level.

Finally managed to do another assignment. After that coded a bit of commission and some other stuff. Overall I would say it was a pretty productive day.

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