While I was making breakfast, brother came over. He recently had a wisdom tooth removed, so he spent a week at the hospital.

Dad called, and he invited us to a restaurant, since it’s an important day for him. I started to prepare while brother went to pick him up. I went outside and it was already dark.

Even though it’s cold, I like to stand in darkness in warm clothes.

We got to the restaurant and got our food.

███████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

After the restaurant I went home and fell asleep. Woke up with headache (so common when napping). Fixed some atabook stuff and went back to bed.

So tired. Went to visit parents today because of █████████████████. Touched cat after so long.

██████████████████████████████████████████████████████

█████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

█████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

█████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

█████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

█████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

Then I went home and layed in bed for a long time. Insanely hard to do anything. Managed to finally ███████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████.

Woke up without anxiety and feeling pretty well. I assume Lyrica works. I went on my website, which I didn’t do for a while, and noticed that it’s snowing now. It’s code I made a while ago, and it’s nice to see it in action. I got up and… it was also snowing outside O_o, kinda a crazy coincidence. I love snow!!! Finally it’s time for winter. I cooked breakfast and then took Zoloft. Well here it goes… my first time with SSRIs, I hope it’ll all be good. By the time this page unlocks for you to read, I’ll already be a month on it.

Went to gym and ran 2.76km on treadmill. Running with earphones feels easier because it’s less boring. After gym went to grill restaurant with brother.

It was nice. Went home and coded ██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ Day ended on a sad note.

Awful day. ██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

██████████████████████████████████████

Went to gym today. Was angry, anxious and sad all day. After the gym we went to a restaurant, which was the best part of the day.

████████████████████████████

████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

Went to gym with brother today. After the gym we went to a nearby seafood restaurant and bought a bunch of… seafood.

My brother didn’t like some seafood (mussels) but I liked everything. It was actually the first time when I got to eat non-canned mussels, and they were great.

After that we went home and I continued █████████████████████████████████████

██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

Went to gym today and trained legs again. I’m scared to train hands because when I did it, my neuralgia always came back. So I’m probably just gonna continue training only legs.

When I came on treadmill today, my bpm was 120, even without doing anything, while my brother’s was 80. This sucks, I hope it’ll improve over time.

Ate a quaso after gym.

It was nice and rainy outside.

████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

Had to wake up early today to go to the hospital. Got my leg’s arteries scanned, and they are seemingly fine. After that I went to rheumatologist and told about coldness in feet. It seems that I almost definitely don’t have Reynolds Syndrome, which is good. What’s much more likely is that it’s just because my legs are fucked up from being clubfoot and blood circulation is a bit worse there. She told me to get more analyses to check, but honestly I don’t really see the point anymore. Just spending more money on analyses and doctor visits only to be told that "yeah you really don’t have it". So it looks like I’m finally done with my hospital visits.

I can’t stop being happy about anxiety meds. They actually work, and work really well. Unlike quetiapine, which I feel like didn’t do anything at all. Now I can actually do things without being absolutely terrified and don’t feel bad everyday.

My legs still hurt from the gym 2 days ago, which is good. Muscles are developing I guess.

After I got home I fell asleep and slept for 5 more hours.

Decided to finish Declarative responses in Ultimate Express today.

Went to gym today again, and only trained legs.

███████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

█████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

█████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

█████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

███████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

Wow, I think anxiety meds actually work. I keep feeling anxiety inside, but it’s very suppressed. It’s an extremely weird feeling. But it feels super awesome to not feel physical pain!

Went to hospital again today. Taxis as always were super duper quick, literally came in 30 seconds! Doctor was kinda disappointing. He checked my legs and said that I’m gonna need to get scanned and get checked at another doctor… Everything was very quick yet expensive. Kinda annoying that I’ll have to go to hospital once again…

Got response from person I made comm for that there was a bug with monitors where pixel density is different from 1. I was thinking it’s basically impossible for me to fix, since I don’t have such monitors, but then realized that I can just open my laptop and have it as my third monitor. I checked it out on laptop, and indeed, it didn’t work.

Seems that robot.js just doesn’t work properly with high density displays, so I had to spend hours on getting screenshots to work with node-ffi. I was very lucky to find some library that had such function, and I finally could get screenshots done. After I switched the screenshotter, for some reason it still didn’t work properly, and I’ve noticed that for some reason, Electron’s screen returns wrong screen offset coordinates for high density display. So I’ve decided to try using node-ffi again, and once again didn’t have much success. After hours of pain and hell I became too desperate and had to open up the beast — Visual Studio 2022. It was much easier to just write a very simple C++ program to get data about displays, and this data had actually accurate offsets this time! So I just compiled it and called it from Node.

After some more bug fixes I finally made everything work. Packaging it was pain again. Because of dynamic import I had to copy some of node_modules and it took a while to figure out which ones I needed.

During me coding all that, suddenly random people started joining the server, and then asked if I made some crypto coin, which I didn’t. It seemingly got 100k marketcap, which is pretty crazy. My site showed 150 people online, and huge amount joined the Discord server. People explained to me that it was just someone trying to profit from my name. Then some guy started sending everyone tons of crypto in server. It was genuinely crazy, and actually sizable amounts ($250+) to basically all active people in the server. He was apparently very rich, with more than 10M dollars earnt this year. ██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

Used a taxi for the first time in my life. Was very anxious about it, but it was fast and convenient… As always I’m more anxious about stuff than needed.

Got to hospital and started the trip through doctors. At first went to dermatologist, and they checked all my dark spots and luckily all were fine and non-cancerous, yay! Finally can be not anxious about them for a while, she said to check in after 1-3 years again.

Then got my kidneys checked and they were fine too, apart from small dust that wasn’t really threatening.

████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

Then went to neurologist, and it was a nice surprise, actually. I didn’t expect that, but she was kinda like a psychiatrist too, we talked more about my anxiety and psychological problems more than about my nerve stuff lol. She prescribed me real anti-anxiety meds!!! Hopefully they’ll do something this time! Apparently doctor for cold feet is different one (vascular surgeon), so I got an appointment for tomorrow. Kinda sucks that I’ll need to go to hospital again, but whatever.

My brother called me at the end asking if we’ll go to gym today, but I told him that I’m at hospital. He went to pick me up and ███████████████████████████

█████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

█████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

█████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

After a long and nice chat, we went to buy prescribed meds. Intercostal neuralgia isn’t really treatable unfortunately. I did buy anti-pain meds for it, but I doubt I’ll be taking them, because of scary side effects. After I got home I fell asleep.

Then we played a bit of Yume 2kki, our expedition went to place we’ve been at before, so there wasn’t really interesting today. Took anxiety meds tonight.

Ughhhh, I keep waking up randomly and not able to sleep after for a while!!! So annoying… Today I went to sleep at 3 and woke up at 7. I couldn’t fall asleep until 9 and then slept until 11:40. Didn’t feel rested at all.

Set up stuff for more customers and I think fixed FTP on Nekoweb. Went through uexpress issues and PRs. Everyday I get a ton of new work somehow, it really feels like a job at this point.

Went to hospital and got my blood analysis result. As I expected, 2 things were out of norm - a little bit too high cholesterol and too low vitamin D. Also told her everything that bothered me and got appointments to neurologist, traumatologist, dermatologist and urologist. Telling her some things was for sure very embarrassing… Also gonna do ultrasonography of my kidneys. All gonna happen on Monday. Got prescribed Magnesium B6 and vitamin D3 and bought them on the way home.

Basically finished commission. Only packing and final stuff is left and can send it.

Today’s expedition is 0 EXP, but since they’re a good way to find interesting stuff, we went to complete it anyway.

Peculiar room:

Apparently this room is important for an ending.

Went to a wrong world, but it was one-way. Since expedition is free, we’ve decided to just continue exploring this world instead of trying to get back.

I really like pipes.

A very inviting path.

In the end we’ve got to a very cozy room and decided to suddenly abrupt our play for today.

It was already quite late and this room made me want to go to bed, so I did.

Going to hospital soon and will get my guts scanned so I can’t eat today until I get that done. I’ve wanted to get checked at hospital for so long, and it’s finally happening.

Let’s see what I have to complain about:

• Dark spots at my back
• Intercostal neuralgia
• ████████████████████
• Kyphosis
• Clubfoot
• Feet are constantly cold from not enough blood circulation
• Anxiety
• Increased heartbeat
• Check vitamins

Well, I got my stomach checked and got blood analysis. Stomach was fine, and I will know about blood analysis result in 2-3 days. This is gonna be the most detailed analysis of my blood in my entire life. But I wanted to complain to them about other things but she didnt really let me. I hope I’ll be able to the next time…

Since I didn’t eat anything before going there, I was super hungry, and we went to some place and got biggest burgers of our lives. Got so full I felt like I’m gonna die. This is kinda why I don’t really like burgers, they’re messy, they’re fast to eat, and you don’t feel satisfied from eating them. I much more like other food that is slower to eat.

At least the atmosphere of that place was nice, brick walls and Frank Sinatra playing.

There has been so many times when I was in a restaurant and thought to myself "this place would be so much better if there was jazz playing". For some reason almost all restaurants play some modern, unmatching to their atmosphere music, and it’s very annoying.

Tried idea with declarative routes a bit more but I realized that it’d only work with ETag disabled in a lot of cases, and it wouldn’t work with if methods are patched, which you can’t really check, so unfortunately it looks like this feature can’t be done. 😔

Brother came over and we started going to the gym, but first went to buy shoes. Saw a cool liminal room:

Today we only went to pool, as we had a free training from a trainer. This was more intense than I expected, and after a hour of training we were quite tired, and decided to go somewhere to eat. There was some place near gym that we were a bit interested in, but we kept being undecideful whether we wanted to go there or not, until we finally decided that we want, but when we went inside it was apparently full. Weirldy that place was serving kinda specific food, and at the same time it was big, so we were surprised that it was actually full.

Went to some other random place instead and got steaks and other stuff:

My brother is always unlucky with what he orders, for some reason his orders are almost always less tasty than mine. We got 2 different steak types and my steak was significantly better.

We were traveling through the USA when we stopped at a strange, deserted gas station. It had a weird minigame: after paying for gas, you earned a «gift point» and could throw a disk at a cassette stand. Whatever cassette you hit, you could take with yourself. The person working there warned us only to play if we had gift points.

After I paid for gas, I gave it a try and ended up with some unremarkable cassette I didn’t pay much attention to. Then, for some reason, my friend decided to throw a disk too, even though he hadn’t bought any gas.

As he threw it, I noticed that the spot he was aiming for held these strange, empty-gray cassettes. I yelled for him to stop, but it was too late. As the disk sailed toward the stand and my friend realized something was wrong, he closed his eyes, trying to not see what he had hit.

The moment the disk struck one of the gray cassettes, he was violently pulled toward the stand with a huge force. In the impact, it seemed like he glimpsed what cassette he had gotten, but before I could reach him, he simply vanished — gone without a trace.

I was hit with a sudden wave of anxiety — and then I woke up. I was not able to sleep for a while after, despite only sleeping for 3 hours.

It’s really weird because before this, it was a pretty long and uneventful dream and I had been travelling with him for a while in it.

Law got accepted!!! Now just needs to be signed by president!

Haven’t really done anything productive today. Went to gym and finally went to pool for the first time. When going to gym I realized that my intercostal neuralgia is almost definitely caused by physical activity / muscle growth in chest. I was suspecting this years ago, and now when I didn’t have any pain for months and suddenly having it exactly when started going to gym just proves it. I told this my brother any finally I signed up to get medical check-up at hospital.

Got really tired after gym and pool. Read SCP-8980, and just… wow. This is the most fucked up thing I’ve read in SCP so far. And I’ve never even seen content warnings in SCP before, it was this bad. But the story and writing itself is amazing.

Didn’t do anything in the first half of the day. Went to gym today, and got to took a better look at the fields:

I really like it when dense city suddenly turns into fields without any suburbs.

We got too tired after gym to go to the pool…

██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

█████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

Went home and fell asleep until 1:30 AM. ██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████