For some reason kept waking up in the night. That hasn’t happened for a while now, maybe because I stopped medication.
Finished watching Clannad. Last episode is so bittersweet. Watching anime always makes me feel like I’m terribly missing out on life. I spend so much time stuck in my room, doing barely anything. I missed out on all the experiences of being a student in school and university. In school it was absolutely terrible and I barely had friends. Constantly got bullied and beaten. And since I’m a home student, I never got to experience student life.
Looks like anxiety is back. Either Zoloft didn’t start working yet, or it just doesn’t work for anxiety. It was all Lyrica’s effect… But Lyrica causes too much brainfog so I don’t want to take it. I guess I’ll have to wait until end of the month before making conclusion and visiting doctor. After anxiety stopped my brain started feeling extremely weird. It felt like hand kept touching back of my brain for multiple hours. An EXTREMELY uncomfortable sensation. It was like different kind of pain. Lyrica apparently only stops having effect after 36 hours so I most likely still was under it’s effect yesterday. Which is why I’m having these weird withdrawal symptoms today.
I’m funneled. Every time anything happens, every moment of my life, it’s going further and further from me. I’m constantly moving forward, constantly funneled into an unknown future. Every time I think of any memory, it’s always more distant. I can always see it.